SONG: A Maniacal Meal

        Here's another new one! I get weird after a few obnoxious days on the phones, let me tell you.

A Maniacal Meal
words and music by Jeffrey Hitchin

I was out having dinner with my girlfriend in the fanciest restaurant in town.
I was wearing my best tuxedo,
She was dressed in her creme silk evening gown.  

There was a flash from the studio across the street as something broke right through the gate. It was three kids who ran into the restaurant and then they almost scared off my date.  

["I can hear one say, as if it were today, 'Hellooooooooooo Nurse!'"]
 

Those three kids then proceeded to pour the full tureen of vichyssoise right down my shirt.
They then took turns tossing rolls across the table, it may have been bread, but boy, they really hurt.  

The one in pants then snapped my suspenders and he hit me in the face with a pie.
As I sat there in that mess all I could think of was how my dry cleaning bill would be high.  

CHORUS:	I only wanted a quiet little dinner	
	with my girlfriend and nice bottle of wine.
	Instead I got a meal so maniacal
	it almost blew my mind.
 

The maitre'd chased the kids around the dining room He couldn't catch them, it was worth a try. The kids had hid behind a pole when they jumped him and they wrapped him up in his bow tie.  

["How they got that thing to stretch that far, I'll never know."]
 

Then the chef tried to catch them on a platter when they stepped right on, he slammed down the lid. Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned around they kissed him, he screamed, then ran and hid.  

CHORUS   A guard came in and chased the three kids back to a water tower in the studio.
I stood up, wiped the whipped cream from my face and asked the waiter, "Can we have this to go?"  

I never go back to that neighborhood
I stay as far as I can get.
It took the cleaners two weeks to get the stains out, but I don't think I have recovered yet.  

CHORUS Received on 01/26/96