New Song

 TELEPHONE TAG  words: John C. Bunnell (copyright 1996)  music: Benjamin R. Hanby ("Up on the Housetop")

 (This is a more or less true story; although I did eventually  get enough material for the article in question....)

 Track down a star for an interview,
 Just like my editor wants me to;
 Call up to talk to his PR flack--
 "She isn't in, but she'll call you back."

<Brring!> <Brring!> Answer the phone;
<Brring!> <Brring!> Talk at the tone;

     (Press one for voice-mail, two to quit:
     This is my message; it's "Tag--you're It!")

 Seven tries later, the flack is there;
 "Talk to who, for an article where?
 Send me your letterhead--fax will do;
 Once I have that, I'll get back to you."

<Brring!> <Brring!> Answer the phone;
<Brring!> <Brring!> Talk at the tone;

     Wait for the whistle, and then press three:
     "Tag, and you're It--now will you call me?"

 Paperwork's finished, it all looks fine;  So says the flack on her office line.
 "I'll call my client and set a day;
 Then I'll get back to you, come what may."

                [SPOKEN: And if you believe that, I've got this bridge....]



     <Brring!>  <Brring!>  Answer the phone;


     <Brring!>  <Brring!>  Talk at the tone;


     Press four for forwarding, five to wait;
     "Tag and you're It--do we have a date?"

 Four days pass, and I call PR
 Another six times, till at last the star  Pins down a time that will work for all  --if he remembers to place the call.

<Brring!> <Brring!> Answer the phone;
<Brring!> <Brring!> Talk at the tone;

     To hear your messages, please press six:
     "Tag, you are It"--the receiver clicks.

 Half past six by the bedside clock;
 The telephone rings, and I wake in shock;  The voice is faint in my sleepy brain:
 "Darn!" says the star. "Gotta catch my plane."

<Brring!> <Brring!> Answer the phone;
<Brring!> <Brring!> Talk at the tone;

     Press pound seven if you can't hear:
     The word is "Tag!", and it's all too clear.

 Back to the flack for another try;
 Sit by the phone as the days go by.
 Wouldn't you know, as my deadline falls,  She finally starts to return my calls!

<Brring!> <Brring!> Answer the phone;
<Brring!> <Brring!> Talk at the tone;

     Press eight and nine and then give your name:
     "Tag and you're It--but I've lost the game!"

     [FINAL CHORUS (optional):]


     <Brring!>  <Brring!>  Answer the phone;


     <Brring!>  <Brring!>  Talk at the tone;


     If you're a masochist, please press ten,
     And we'll start the game all over again!