FW: The Newbie's Song

  I'm not sure if this one didn't come around a while ago, but I just got it from a friend who sends humor mail, and it's a pretty good filk. (as far as I can tell from a quick read-through, it even scans! )

  --Chuck

>(forwards surfing the net)
>
>It helps if you "The Major General's Song" but....
>
>
>The Newbie's Song (Based on the Major General's song from "The Pirates
>of Penzance", Gilbert & Sullivan).
>
>I am the very model of a Usenet individual,
>I've information meaningless and ultimately trivial,
>I know the basic elements of alien biology,
>And all the hidden secrets of the Church of Scientology,
>I've seen "The Wrath of Khan" and every Star Trek film that followed
>it,
>I moan about my Servicecard and how the cash till swallowed it,
>About the laws on handguns I am sending off a counterblast,
>With many cheerful facts about the way you can MAKE MONEY FAST!
>
>ALL: With many cheerful etc.
>
>I'll tell you why the Japanese are taking over Panama,
>And why the USA is still a better place than Canada,
>In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
>I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
>
>ALL: In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
> He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
>
>I post in alt.revisionism lies about the Holocaust,
>I cut my .sig to twenty lines, I didn't want to, I was forced,
>I really can't believe the "Good Times" virus to be mythical,
>And Clinton's raising taxes which is, frankly, bloody typical,
>I've upset several people on alt.flame, I really don't know how,
>And sent a thousand business cards to Mr. and Mrs. Shergold now,
>I have a very poor grip of political geography,
>And absolutely no involvement (yet!) in child pornography,
>ALL: And absolutely no, etc.
>
>I've paid two-fifty dollars for the Nieman-Marcus recipe,
>And told the Spanish tourist's tale about the toothbrush pessary, In
>short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial, I am the very
>model of a Usenet individual.
>
> ALL: In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
> He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
>
>In fact, when I know what is meant by "binary" and "FTP",
>When I know how to decode porno JPEGs from a .uue,
>When I can handle HTML, Telnet, mail and IRC,
>And when I know the words initialised to form "http",
>When I have learnt what topics are acceptable in talk.bizarre,
>When I know more of Usenet than the tailpipe of a motor-car,
>In short, when I've a smattering of elementary netiquette,
>You'll say a better individual has never surfed the Net.
>
>ALL: You'll say a better individual, etc.
>
>For my technical experience, although I claim to know it all
>Could barely serve to run the installation disk from AOL;
>But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
>I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
>
>ALL: But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
> He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
Received on 10/23/96