A SNAPpy Response

replyMike Fair distributed:
> Real Programmers Don't Eat Quiche

replySo, I thought....

replyreply        Sensitive New-Age Programmers (SNAPs) Eat Quiche

SNAPs eat quiche. They also enjoy salads, french bread, and fine whines.  

SNAPs write applications programs. SNAPs are concerned that they make their programs as easy to use as possible, they wouldn't want anyone to feel that it was too hard to use. Of course, this means they spend all their programming time (what there is of it) writing the wonderful GUI for the program and none on the implementation of real problems. Besides, bare metal has harsh vibrations.  

SNAPs write specs. Planners need to feel validated. The specifications certainly must show that the planner knew what they were talking about, even if it is nonsense.  

SNAPs comment their code. Of course, good SNAPpy code has a comment to code ratio of 31 to 1, but that's so you really know what they're feeling as they write.  

SNAPs document. In fact, a good SNAP spends so much time documenting that they never write any code.  

SNAPs draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are very pretty. (What do you mean it's supposed to mean something?)  

SNAPs don't read manuals. That stuff is all to technical and it doesn't validate my sense of worth.  

SNAPs don't write in RPG. RPG is much too anal-retentive. It doesn't allow for free expression.  

SNAPs don't write in COBOL. COBOL was written for the oppressive business oriented bosses. I mean, can you express your feelings in ALL CAPS?   SNAPs don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for math geeks who can't relate to other people and so hide behind their computers.  

SNAPs don't write in BASIC. Actually, they do when they're helping other people learn to program, but it really doesn't have good comment syntax so it's hard work.

SNAPs don't understand APL. It's all Greek to them.

SNAPS don't write in C++, Smalltalk, or any other Object-Oriented programming language. They know what it's like to be objectified and don't think that their programs should have to suffer that.

SNAPs' programs never work right the first time. In fact, they never work at all, but then they're very sympathetic about how hard you're trying to get them to work.  

SNAPs never work 9 to 5. They need to leave by 3:30 to get to their support group meeting.

SNAPs don't play tennis, or any other sport which is really competetive. They like co-operative nature oriented sports, like hiking ang gardening.  

SNAPs wear Birkenstocks.  

SNAPs disdain structured programming. Structured programming is much too structured, it doesn't allow for creativity.  

SNAPs love the team programming concept. It's a great way to relate to your fellow programmers, have lots of meetings, and not get much work done.  

SNAPs never write memos on paper. They walk over to talk to you about their "issues with your style". Or call meetings to "come to consensus agreements".  

SNAPs don't appreciate for managers. Managers are too forceful and demanding. A manager might even expect you to be at work for 40 hours in a week.  

SNAPs drive Chevy mini-vans or Toyota station wagons.  

SNAPs don't believe in schedules. A deadline would put too much pressure on you for you to properly "create" software. Besides, you might have to actually deliver something.

Created by your local neighborhood SNAP: Douglas McCorison Permission granted to distribute granted as long as it's a) not-for-profit and b) attribution remains. Received on 09/25/98